Category Archives: Hollywood

Hollywood and assorted western media effluvia and detritus

Marcia Cross: Seeing Red

seeing-red.png

Sometimes a punning title is just too hilariously awful (or awfully hilarious) or just too smutty genius to resist.  When CelebNewsWire titled their coverage of the of Marcia Cross’ naked nude photo brouhaha The Red Vadge of Furrage … well there was just no way to stop the ensuing madness.

The Desperate Housewife has been featured here on GOIM before, during her days as a Botox Bride. Having made an ill-advised decision to bin some nudie photos her husband took, she soon found them en route to the internet and a world wide plenary on how the carpet matched the curtains at Marcia’s House. (Cue Eve Plumb, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”). This made her very Cross indeed.
I suppose those of those of us who are without bins should cast the first stones. Since that’s nobody at all … let’s all stonelessly just contemplate the Trashcan Darling, the Trashcan Sinatra, indeed the Trashcan Saint that is:

We’ve classied up the smut with a Da Vinci reference … or we’ve smuttied up ole Leonardo … you decide.

MArcia Cross and The Red Vadge of Furrage the_lady_with_an_ermine.jpg

Gaywired.com broke down the basics of the tale for those of you who missed this important tale for the curtains and drapes industry.

The naked photos of Marcia Cross, supposedly found in her trash more

than a year ago, finally have made it onto the Internet.

The photos, apparently taken by her husband, show the red-headed star enjoying an outdoor shower. Apparently they were thrown in the trash at

some point, as that’s where they were found last year by a firm hired to remove garbage from Cross’s LA home.

The firm, now represented by Phoenix-based agent David Hans

Schmidt, is now attempting to sell the photos to the highest bidder.

“There are some pictures of her showering outside,” Schmidt said in a

recent release. “She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does m

atch the curtains. The pictures were not stolen. When you throw something away, you forfeit that property. We recognize the copyright

issue, but U.S. copyright law stops at the border. I’m not looking to mortify Ms. Cross, I just want the most money for my client.”

Trashcan Darling , Nude Marcia Cross

Ahh well … there’s more punning to be done I’m sure … Something along the lines of the old Big Red Chewing Gum jingle.

So kiss a little longer,

hold hands a little longer,
hold tight a little longer.
Longer with Big Red.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood

Ashwariya and Ben Kingsley Save Britain

SPOILER ALERT

Aishwarya and Krishna Kingsley

Rotten Tomatoes synopsizes The Last Legion like this:

“The Last Legion” is a fantasy action-adventure in the vein of “The Sword and the Stone” set against the fall of Rome and its last emperor, 12 year-old Romulus Augustus … He discovers instead “excaliburnus,” the legendary sword of Julius Caesar… (a)ided by the clever strategies of his teacher, Ambrosinus, and the heroic skills of his loyal legionnaire, Aurelius, Romulus escapes the island. Accompanied by his friends and a mysterious envoy from Constantinople [ed. ASH is in the house], Romulus travels to Britannia … and take his first steps to becoming a man and the king who would father a legend.

But Grumpy Old Uncles know the real deal … Yes, finally the mythic truth can be told. The Last Legion reveals the truth we’ve all long suspected …

INDIANS actually founded Britain with a combination of mad Kallaripayat skillz and ancient Vedic wizardry. NRI that you German ruled fellows.

Booyakkkasha padme hum diddly hum.

Aishwarya and Krishna KingsleyAsh plays lady warrior Mira — straight outta old skool Kerala — Matriarchy in the house.

In a reasonably charming children’s film fashion (which this movie clearly is — without anyone involved ever having acknowledged it) Mira whirls about with a band of rogueish characters … including uber-Romcom Brit, Mr Darcy, Colin Firth.

While Darcy seems to have misplaced his famous Christmas Jumper at the Turkey curry buffet, its homely knitted spirit hovers over this project.

Dyslexic name swapper Krishna Banji — is back again in druidic kahdhi — kicking it as Sir Ben Kingsley — aka Merlin.

What role can’t that talented proboscis sandwhiched between those ever growing
ears make his own. Here he whirls about as Merlin – in some scraps of Ian McClellan’s left-over beard floss.

There must have been a remnant sale at the THEATRICAL SIRs & Sons STORE.


Well long story short

… and direct video story short
… and all stars refused to do publicity story short
… and has been sitting on the shelf for two years story short

The Mallu Matador and the Krishna Magician …
… end Roman rule
… and bury the famous sword in the well-known stone

… just waiting for Arthur to come along shortly … or should I say Arshya. King Arthur to some, perhaps, Raja Arshya to those in the know.

The word Arshya means that which is from the Rishis – the great sages of ancient

India. They are the original of being in the know. There is no more know than what they are in.

Check out the movies right here:

2 Comments

Filed under Bollywood, Celebrities, Hollywood

Government Demands Halt to Gandhi Biopic:No not that Gandhi

monica-sonia2.jpgIndian Government Demands Halt To Gandhi Biopic…. A proposed biopic of Sonia Gandhi, starring Monica Bellucci, has been put in jeopardy after the ruling Indian political party threatened legal action.Italian-born Gandhi famously refused to become Prime Minister of India when the Congress party, of which she is leader, was voted into office in 2004.

Now film-maker Jagmohan Mundhra hopes to chronicle her extraordinary life in a big budget movie due for completion in December (06).

However, her party has yesterday (20Jul06) served a legal notice to block Mundhra’s project, fearing it could be inaccurate and stating Gandhi herself has failed to endorse it.

Mundhra has yet to respond.

Gandhi is the widow of assassinated former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi. (via Female First)

Leave a comment

Filed under Bollywood, Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood, News and politics

Lindsay Lohan: Blackberry Gak Attack

Back after a long hiatus … Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in. … or at least the galactic time space collapse of two berry based Lohan stories did … like a heaping bowl of Count Chocula mixed with lashings of Frankenberry … dressed with a side of Boo Berry syrup … they could not be resisted.

Hypoglycemia be damned … Diabetics in insulin shock twitching by the side of the breakfast table blithely ignored …

A Strawberry Scandal and I ain’t taking about no shortcake … this is the kinda Wild Strawberries that has Ingmar Bergman chattering your ear off at Spy Bar at three in the morning. Nestle better get on this Quik: The British market alone will make their fortune

Strawberry scandale was followed close on the heels by a Blackberry Scandal. An incoherent text messaged manifesto rant from Miss Lohan’s Blackberry is now widely available, shockingly misspelled and incoherently composed. *

Following this debacle calls have been issued by both educators and Disney executives for some of the most the most widespread regulation of access to technology since China got the web or Dubbya got the car keys (thanks to Mollygood and Celebitchy)

It’s gonna be A Very Berry Christmas

The Blacker the berry The Cracker the Juice

The Blacker the berry The Cracker the Juice

* In a related story Kaavya Vishwanatan has already scored a two text deal with Harcourt Brace & Javonovich to regale Blackberry users nationwide with tales of a Harvard co-ed’s recovery from (and I quote) ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Say’s well-known Blackberry addict Antony Romero “I’m really excited to read this new work without ever having to put down my Blackberry. I love Kaavya’s writing it always gives me that deja vu all over again feeling. Kinda Like Habeas Corpus for Siamese Twins”

5 Comments

Filed under Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood

Grey’s Anatomy: The Low Down on the Down Low

Quote of the week goes to Grey’s Anatomy actor Isaiah Washington following rumors of a nasty fight on-set earlier this week (via Celebitchy) with some rather offensive comments about pudgy co-star T.R. Knight

” I misspoke earlier … I am soooooo, his little faggot.”

Grey’s Anatomy

1 Comment

Filed under Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood, News and politics

George Clooney, Why You Cheeky Little Bugger!

Holy Moly Blind Item

Which mega-MEGA Hollywood actor boffed the obligatory friend of a friend whilst still seeing his British girlfriend?

All went well on their first date and she ended up in bed with the salt & peppered lothario. It was going so well she agreed to a bit of rear entry as

“It was *********(Salt and Pepper Lothario nomenclature deleted) , what was I going to do? Say no?!”

He rang her for second date, back to hotel, he flips her over again, although she’s a bit miffed. Anyway, she’s biting the pillow when she hears a strange gargling noise, looks over her shoulder and he is there, having a thoroughly good time, choking himself with a tie.

George Clooney and The Ties that Blind

Dateline London: George Clooney at the Tradesman’s Entrance

Following the lead of top UK publication Holy Moly — Vanity Fair, in an unprecedented editorial move, decided its November cover and indeed the entire issue had become irrelevant. The late breaking Clooney News meant it all had to be re-done — regardless of cost or timing.
In a move that has stunned the the publishing world Vanity Fair Editor Graydon Carter has pulled all issues of their November Magazine featuring George Clooney on the cover.

The November issue was already available on newstands in L.A. and N.Y.C. as of October 5th — and was scheduled for release elsewhere in the U.S on October 10 … but STOP THE PRESSES. Vanity Fair trucks have been collecting unsold issues for pulping and bird cage lining … and Newstands across the country are on Standby for delivery of the Emergency re-edit.

We spoke to one Upen Piggybhai Patel at New York’s Grand Central Station … where he has been a newspaper and fine publications vendor for over thirty years.

“I first came to know about Graydon’s fixation for relevancy and very nowness from his mother, but still when I hear this recall tamasha I thought he has decided to pull a fast one. Scandal comes and goes … why make such a fuss.

“I mean he signed one after another big banner film stars for his covers and never recalled previously. He has always held Clooneybhai in the highest esteem. He was always looking forward to working with him.”

The shocking news of Clooney’s Ride down the Perilous Hutchence Highway fully banalized the original articles.

Even such formerly fascinating information as the Clooney-esque take on prostitution:

“I’d never seen a hooker in my life, coming from Kentucky and all these girls came up to the car and were like, ‘Baby, want to party? You want to party with me?’ And I was like, ‘Girls love me, man! I ‘m on fire in this town! I should have come here a long time ago! Chicks dig me!’ And Miguel goes, ‘They’re hookers, you idiot.

Became patently absurd as wastes of glossy page space.

The homo-chic tweak of his manly Georgian views on the hotness that is Clive Owen:

“(He is) the big find in the past two or three years. I think he’s a movie star. He’s, like, a man – there’s a sexuality and a masculinity that I think is really interesting.”

These cologne scented observations — even while nestled between high end folded fragrance samples — now had the resonance and relevance of a breaking story on John Kerry’s Botox use.

 

What will Graydon bring Forth … now that we all know ?? How will Vanity Fair handle the substantive issues raised by this very contemporary tale of ties that bind?  How will Dominic Dunne manage to name-drop while auto-asphyxiating ?

Vanity Fair’s readers worldwide are poised by their mailboxes.

You lucky buggers get to see it here first.

2 Comments

Filed under Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood

The Manny Diaries: Perry Poppins’ Parasol


The Manny Diaries

Paul Giamatti is one very busy actor. His acclaimed performances in American Splendor , Sideways, The Illusionist and above all as Kenny “Pig Vomit” Rushton in The Lady in the Water catapaulted him from balding taciturn schlub to quirky “Oscar somewhere ahead” lead.

Now he’s going for the brass ring as a hard-bodied Screen Hunk. It’s an unexpected move — from an unexpected leading man – starring across from Scarlett Johansson (as intelligent eye candy), Laura Linney(as Ivy Educated) Alicia Keys (as the black best friend) and Chris Evans (as the gratuitous shirt lifter) in “The Manny Diaries” for the Weinstein Company.

Gia : The Story of a Supermatti

As he braced for his role, Paul Giamatti also faced the prospect of baring a lot of skin in a shirtless scene– flying with his Poppins carpetbag and parasol over Central Park.
“You know, it’s amazing what an impending midlife crisis and a slew of attractive co-stars – will do for your motivation,” Giamatti told Good Morning America’s Meredith Viera. “I figure I’ve got it coming. I’m never going to grow a chin. I’m bald so we know we got some excess testosterone in there. Let’s go give it a shot.”

A change of diet and plenty of exercise helped mold his body into shape.

“As actors the body is our instrument — and it will adapt to the needs of the tune you wanna play — if you feed it right and have Harvey Weinstein shell out for 24/7 personal training. –” Giamatti said. “– And I’ve got a lot of respect for that. It’s hard, though.”

Apparently, all that working out worked. Paul Gia-hottie!
The much anticipated big screen adaptation of former Marine and celebrity Manny – Perry “Poppins” Taylor’s book was written by Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini.

The Manny Diaries” is the story of nine frantic months in the life of a young bodyguard impulsively hired to care for the neglected newborn son of a pampered pop star wife and her absentee wannabee rapstar husband.

As their marriage begins to disintegrate we follow the misadventures of the young manny, played by the fit and fabulous Paul Giamatti, amidst the tabloid glare of a Britney-esque hillbilly household. Things take a turn for the worse when the jealous husband returns demanding that the hunky boy Poppins be fired. Our Manny is out on the humid Florida streets and hurricane season is a-coming.
His fortunes change swiftly again as he’s swept up in the Manny-may-care lifestyle of a new set of celebrity employers – a handsome metrosexual English Movie star (think Jude Law) with a madcap international household: fetching fiancee, wicked ex-wife and a mischievous coterie of adorable young kids complete with posh accents and mommies prescriptions.
Hilarious hijinx ensue as the whole entourage dash from London to the East Village, from movie premieres to jetset parties. But can our fit, practically perfect in every way Manny — juggle the household, a romance, the press, his parrot headed parasol and a challenging daily ab routine with low-carb intake — all while teaching this fractured family how to love again?

The Manny Diaries Opens in Theaters Nationwide December 15th

giamattipoppins-crop.jpg

4 Comments

Filed under Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood