Category Archives: Celebrities

Marcia Cross: Seeing Red


Sometimes a punning title is just too hilariously awful (or awfully hilarious) or just too smutty genius to resist.  When CelebNewsWire titled their coverage of the of Marcia Cross’ naked nude photo brouhaha The Red Vadge of Furrage … well there was just no way to stop the ensuing madness.

The Desperate Housewife has been featured here on GOIM before, during her days as a Botox Bride. Having made an ill-advised decision to bin some nudie photos her husband took, she soon found them en route to the internet and a world wide plenary on how the carpet matched the curtains at Marcia’s House. (Cue Eve Plumb, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”). This made her very Cross indeed.
I suppose those of those of us who are without bins should cast the first stones. Since that’s nobody at all … let’s all stonelessly just contemplate the Trashcan Darling, the Trashcan Sinatra, indeed the Trashcan Saint that is:

We’ve classied up the smut with a Da Vinci reference … or we’ve smuttied up ole Leonardo … you decide.

MArcia Cross and The Red Vadge of Furrage the_lady_with_an_ermine.jpg broke down the basics of the tale for those of you who missed this important tale for the curtains and drapes industry.

The naked photos of Marcia Cross, supposedly found in her trash more

than a year ago, finally have made it onto the Internet.

The photos, apparently taken by her husband, show the red-headed star enjoying an outdoor shower. Apparently they were thrown in the trash at

some point, as that’s where they were found last year by a firm hired to remove garbage from Cross’s LA home.

The firm, now represented by Phoenix-based agent David Hans

Schmidt, is now attempting to sell the photos to the highest bidder.

“There are some pictures of her showering outside,” Schmidt said in a

recent release. “She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does m

atch the curtains. The pictures were not stolen. When you throw something away, you forfeit that property. We recognize the copyright

issue, but U.S. copyright law stops at the border. I’m not looking to mortify Ms. Cross, I just want the most money for my client.”

Trashcan Darling , Nude Marcia Cross

Ahh well … there’s more punning to be done I’m sure … Something along the lines of the old Big Red Chewing Gum jingle.

So kiss a little longer,

hold hands a little longer,
hold tight a little longer.
Longer with Big Red.


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On the 11th day of Krishmas

Sadhu Claus

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Grumpy Old Indian Men for an Error Free Internet

Grumpy Old BBC Listeners everywhere love Sandi Toksvig … and hate spelling and biography errors.  Keep the internet accurate.  Keep the BBC admirable. Write a Grumpy Old Letter today!    

Dear Grumpyji,


    Thank you for your e-mail regarding ‘Excess Baggage’.


    I understand you would like to report the mispelling of ‘Mamaroneck’ in Sandi Toksvig’s biography.


    I would like to assure you that we have registered your comments on our audience log. This is the internal report of audience feedback which we compile daily for all programme makers and commissioning executives within the BBC, and also their senior management. It ensures that your points, and all other comments we receive, are circulated and considered across the BBC.


Thank you once again for taking the time to contact us.




Scott Boyd

BBC Information


    Have your say about the complaints process in the BBC Trust’s current public consultation –


    Would you like FREE tickets for BBC TV and Radio shows? Call us on 0870 901 1227 or visit

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The Alpha and Omega of Bollywood

It’s the new speed reading alphabet of social and semiotic significance.

From A to B


Sitting on Top of the world … or dancingAshwariya Rai and Abhishek Bhachan

… and in a flat world (Thanks to Tommy Friedman) that’s the whole bloody alphabet. Its, in fact, seventeen plus alphabets, devanagri, dravidian and roman … you take your choice.

Yes Aishwariya Rai and Abhishek Bhachan are the ultimate Globalized and Bollywood Royalty combination.

She made it on beauty, charm and timing.

He made it on nepotism, nasal deja vu … and Daddy Love

The world is their oyster.

They run the gamut of emotions from A to B … and they can dance if they want to …

and that is very likely, and most hopefully, the first and last time Dorothy Parker and Men Without Hats have been quoted in such close proximity.

Another Alpha and Omega.



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Ashwariya and Ben Kingsley Save Britain


Aishwarya and Krishna Kingsley

Rotten Tomatoes synopsizes The Last Legion like this:

“The Last Legion” is a fantasy action-adventure in the vein of “The Sword and the Stone” set against the fall of Rome and its last emperor, 12 year-old Romulus Augustus … He discovers instead “excaliburnus,” the legendary sword of Julius Caesar… (a)ided by the clever strategies of his teacher, Ambrosinus, and the heroic skills of his loyal legionnaire, Aurelius, Romulus escapes the island. Accompanied by his friends and a mysterious envoy from Constantinople [ed. ASH is in the house], Romulus travels to Britannia … and take his first steps to becoming a man and the king who would father a legend.

But Grumpy Old Uncles know the real deal … Yes, finally the mythic truth can be told. The Last Legion reveals the truth we’ve all long suspected …

INDIANS actually founded Britain with a combination of mad Kallaripayat skillz and ancient Vedic wizardry. NRI that you German ruled fellows.

Booyakkkasha padme hum diddly hum.

Aishwarya and Krishna KingsleyAsh plays lady warrior Mira — straight outta old skool Kerala — Matriarchy in the house.

In a reasonably charming children’s film fashion (which this movie clearly is — without anyone involved ever having acknowledged it) Mira whirls about with a band of rogueish characters … including uber-Romcom Brit, Mr Darcy, Colin Firth.

While Darcy seems to have misplaced his famous Christmas Jumper at the Turkey curry buffet, its homely knitted spirit hovers over this project.

Dyslexic name swapper Krishna Banji — is back again in druidic kahdhi — kicking it as Sir Ben Kingsley — aka Merlin.

What role can’t that talented proboscis sandwhiched between those ever growing
ears make his own. Here he whirls about as Merlin – in some scraps of Ian McClellan’s left-over beard floss.

There must have been a remnant sale at the THEATRICAL SIRs & Sons STORE.

Well long story short

… and direct video story short
… and all stars refused to do publicity story short
… and has been sitting on the shelf for two years story short

The Mallu Matador and the Krishna Magician …
… end Roman rule
… and bury the famous sword in the well-known stone

… just waiting for Arthur to come along shortly … or should I say Arshya. King Arthur to some, perhaps, Raja Arshya to those in the know.

The word Arshya means that which is from the Rishis – the great sages of ancient

India. They are the original of being in the know. There is no more know than what they are in.

Check out the movies right here:


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There’s just so much Shilpa Shetty

There’s just so much Shilpa Shetty to go around these days.

You’re Soaking in It

If that Orwell fellow had only known how lucrative this Big Brother gig was … think how he could have cashed in early and retired.

Reasonably fresh from being first reservedly hand-shook by Elizabeth Regina II and then vigorously deep-dipped by one Mr. Richard Gere – Shilpa’s having quite the year. A right old Annus Shilpabilis … that’s something like Fergalicious but more Englishy.

Everyone’s favorite mangalorean mami, now Dr. Shetty, has taken residence in balmy groves of Honorary Doctorship. Dr. Shilpa Shetty, I presume.

Beyond the Beyond at Blogwired reports:

‘ News around Shilpa Shetty just doesn’t stop flowing. (((Boy, that’s for sure. The woman’s a global publicity machine.))) And this time the buzz is about a doctor’s degree that has been conferred upon Shilpa Shetty by the Leeds University for her outstanding contribution to cultural diversity. ‘

Ohhh the luck of the Mangaloreans … all the phii, haitches and dees … the very best bits of the angrezi alphabet with none of the tiresome study or student loans, deadlines, dissertation writing, tutorials, teaching … just beaming Mango-flavored Maa-Baap in the Leeds Metropolitan audience.

Plus some funny hats and robes. Very Harry Potter … vhii haitch phii … Every new Volume of Shilpa Shetty meets an eager readership and a profitable filmic adaptation.

Still Dr. Shetty ain’t content with the sweet smell of simply one success.

You can smell her, you can see her and once she’s been seen, she’s a …

Shilpa Seen Sans Frontières … No Border can Hold this Doctor Back!

The Times of India reports:

Shetty’s fragrance, S2, has risen to the number 3 spot in the UK fragrance charts within a fortnight after it was launched in London.

Shilpa has beaten off stiff competition from the likes of other international stars such as Kylie Minogue, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton. Her inimitable S2 perfume has proved itself to be a cut above the rest amid the sea of other celebrity fragrances launched in the lucrative perfume market, sources said on Sunday.

Describing the popular fragrance that has been created by the oldest French perfumer, Robertet, Shilpa said: “The perfume is truly unique because of the whole edge we have with the ethnic aroma.

Sadly for the rest of us … ethnic aroma is not usually such a smashing success. The neighbors complain and the landlords worry about never getting it out of the upholstery.

That Shilps she could sell ice to eskimos, aroma to ethnics … good gods … I bet she could sell racism to the Brits.

A veritable Marvel of Mangalorean marketing modernity.

Props to La Shetée … she’s getting all Twelve Monkeys out for her Sterling British future.

AIM reports:

Ethnic agency Sterling Media has taken over from publicist Max Clifford in representing actress Shilpa Shetty in Britain.
Managing director Natasha Mudhar said: “We are delighted to have won the account, and look forward to propelling Shilpa across an international and mainstream platform. Shilpa has some very interesting projects lined up which we are sure will generate extensive talkability.”

… I think that was a Homi Bhabha paper I once heard …

Ethnic Agency: Generating Extensive Talkability from the Upanishads to the Booker Man Prize.

Well Ethnic Agency … Shilpa’s Soaking in IT … take a dip … I hear the water’s fine.



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Government Demands Halt to Gandhi Biopic:No not that Gandhi

monica-sonia2.jpgIndian Government Demands Halt To Gandhi Biopic…. A proposed biopic of Sonia Gandhi, starring Monica Bellucci, has been put in jeopardy after the ruling Indian political party threatened legal action.Italian-born Gandhi famously refused to become Prime Minister of India when the Congress party, of which she is leader, was voted into office in 2004.

Now film-maker Jagmohan Mundhra hopes to chronicle her extraordinary life in a big budget movie due for completion in December (06).

However, her party has yesterday (20Jul06) served a legal notice to block Mundhra’s project, fearing it could be inaccurate and stating Gandhi herself has failed to endorse it.

Mundhra has yet to respond.

Gandhi is the widow of assassinated former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi. (via Female First)

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