Category Archives: Bollywood

Bollywood or Sub C cinema kerfuffle and brouhaha

Genius … Pure Genius

This is listed on YouTube as being by a user called CamPain2008 … I’m not sure if that’s just the name of the page where they have assembled Campaign 2008 videos or the actual videomaker. Anyway as I said … genius Pure Genius …

Fr those of you who want the lyrical love translated Here are the lyrics to chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey in English … bumpy, aged, dated Hinglishy English.

chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unbeknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of us will convey our hearts feelings
chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unbeknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of is will convey our hearts feelings

aane waali, kabh aayegi koi de bataa
When will someone tell me when she will walk into my life
dhoond rahe hain, jaane kabh se, hum uska pataa
I am searching for her address, since ages back

aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aa
Come! Come! …

chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unbeknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of is will convey our heart feelings
chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of is will convey our heart feelings

mahiyaa, mahiyaa
Dear one, dear one
jaldi se aa ja sun mahiyaa
Please, come soon, dear one
mahiyaa, mahiyaa
Dear one, dear one
doli mein le ja sun mahiyaa…
Dear one, lead me to the altar

ooo hoo hoo
ooo hoo hoo

ek na ek din mil jayeegi
I will get her, some day
humko bhi sapno ki rani
My dream girl

Hmm hmm hmm
hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

ek na ek din mil jayeegi
I will get her, some day
humko bhi sapno ki rani
My dream girl

aise shuru phir ho jayeegi
And this is how it will start …
pyase dilon ki prem kahani
The love story of two thirsty hearts

apni bhi shaamein rangeen hongi
My evenings will also become colorful
apni bhi subhein hongi suhaani
And my mornings will be beautiful

pyaare pyaare dekh na pyaare
Oh you romantic, don’t see …
din mein taare
Stars in daylight
dil ki baazi koi na jeeta
No one has ever one in the matters of the heart
saare haare
All have lost

mar jayeega, mit jayeega
You will die, you will disappear …
kar na aisi khataa
Commit not this foolish act …
nahi mili hai, nahi milegi
Never have people met and, never will …
are teri woh dilruba
Their sweetheart

aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja
Come! Come! …

jaa, chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of is will convey our heart feelings

chorus:
chakh le, chakh le
chakh le, chakh le

kitney haseen hain saare nazaarey
How beautiful are the surroundings
kitney haseen hain jag ke isharey
How beautiful are the signs of this world

aa aa aa
aa aa aa aa aa

Hey hey, kitney haseen hain saare nazaarey
How beautiful are the surroundings
kitney haseen hain jag ke isharey
How beautiful are the signs of this world …
jis ki tamanna hai is dil ko
The signs that the hearts desire …
aayengi jaane kabh woh bahaarein
When will those times arrive

koi to ho jo raha mein roke
There must be someone who will stop me on my path
koi to ho jo naam pukare
There must be someone who will call my name

pyaare pyaare, o mere pyaare
Romantic! Oh romantic …
tu ruk ja re
Stop right there
tere jaise aashiq phirte, maare maare
Romantics like you are roaming all over
lut jayega, bik jayega
You will be looted, you will be sold
de na aisi sadaa
Stray away from your foolhardy deeds
is dharti pe kahin nahin hai
There is not one in this world
teri woh dilruba
Who will be your sweetheart?

aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja

jaa, chori chori hum gori se pyaar karengey
Unknownst to all, I will love the fair one
chupke chupke dil ki baatein yaar karengey
Hidden from all, the two of is will convey our heart feelings
aane waali, kabh aayegi koi de bataa
When will someone tell me when the “fair one” will walk into my life
dhoond rahe hain, jaane kabh se, hum uska pataa
I am searching for her address, since ages

aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja…

Depending on whether you go with gori as  ‘fair one’ as in

Mirror Mirror on the wall,

Who’s the fairest of them all

or a little more brutal  to the ‘white girl’ side … could tweak your reading.

Here’s a little something from an unrealized T-shirtI was working on for South Asians for Obama just to round out the love.

barack.png

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The Alpha and Omega of Bollywood

It’s the new speed reading alphabet of social and semiotic significance.

From A to B

From ASH to BHACHAN

Sitting on Top of the world … or dancingAshwariya Rai and Abhishek Bhachan

… and in a flat world (Thanks to Tommy Friedman) that’s the whole bloody alphabet. Its, in fact, seventeen plus alphabets, devanagri, dravidian and roman … you take your choice.

Yes Aishwariya Rai and Abhishek Bhachan are the ultimate Globalized and Bollywood Royalty combination.

She made it on beauty, charm and timing.

He made it on nepotism, nasal deja vu … and Daddy Love

The world is their oyster.

They run the gamut of emotions from A to B … and they can dance if they want to …

and that is very likely, and most hopefully, the first and last time Dorothy Parker and Men Without Hats have been quoted in such close proximity.

Another Alpha and Omega.

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Ashwariya and Ben Kingsley Save Britain

SPOILER ALERT

Aishwarya and Krishna Kingsley

Rotten Tomatoes synopsizes The Last Legion like this:

“The Last Legion” is a fantasy action-adventure in the vein of “The Sword and the Stone” set against the fall of Rome and its last emperor, 12 year-old Romulus Augustus … He discovers instead “excaliburnus,” the legendary sword of Julius Caesar… (a)ided by the clever strategies of his teacher, Ambrosinus, and the heroic skills of his loyal legionnaire, Aurelius, Romulus escapes the island. Accompanied by his friends and a mysterious envoy from Constantinople [ed. ASH is in the house], Romulus travels to Britannia … and take his first steps to becoming a man and the king who would father a legend.

But Grumpy Old Uncles know the real deal … Yes, finally the mythic truth can be told. The Last Legion reveals the truth we’ve all long suspected …

INDIANS actually founded Britain with a combination of mad Kallaripayat skillz and ancient Vedic wizardry. NRI that you German ruled fellows.

Booyakkkasha padme hum diddly hum.

Aishwarya and Krishna KingsleyAsh plays lady warrior Mira — straight outta old skool Kerala — Matriarchy in the house.

In a reasonably charming children’s film fashion (which this movie clearly is — without anyone involved ever having acknowledged it) Mira whirls about with a band of rogueish characters … including uber-Romcom Brit, Mr Darcy, Colin Firth.

While Darcy seems to have misplaced his famous Christmas Jumper at the Turkey curry buffet, its homely knitted spirit hovers over this project.

Dyslexic name swapper Krishna Banji — is back again in druidic kahdhi — kicking it as Sir Ben Kingsley — aka Merlin.

What role can’t that talented proboscis sandwhiched between those ever growing
ears make his own. Here he whirls about as Merlin – in some scraps of Ian McClellan’s left-over beard floss.

There must have been a remnant sale at the THEATRICAL SIRs & Sons STORE.


Well long story short

… and direct video story short
… and all stars refused to do publicity story short
… and has been sitting on the shelf for two years story short

The Mallu Matador and the Krishna Magician …
… end Roman rule
… and bury the famous sword in the well-known stone

… just waiting for Arthur to come along shortly … or should I say Arshya. King Arthur to some, perhaps, Raja Arshya to those in the know.

The word Arshya means that which is from the Rishis – the great sages of ancient

India. They are the original of being in the know. There is no more know than what they are in.

Check out the movies right here:

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There’s just so much Shilpa Shetty

There’s just so much Shilpa Shetty to go around these days.

You’re Soaking in It

If that Orwell fellow had only known how lucrative this Big Brother gig was … think how he could have cashed in early and retired.

Reasonably fresh from being first reservedly hand-shook by Elizabeth Regina II and then vigorously deep-dipped by one Mr. Richard Gere – Shilpa’s having quite the year. A right old Annus Shilpabilis … that’s something like Fergalicious but more Englishy.

Everyone’s favorite mangalorean mami, now Dr. Shetty, has taken residence in balmy groves of Honorary Doctorship. Dr. Shilpa Shetty, I presume.

Beyond the Beyond at Blogwired reports:

‘ News around Shilpa Shetty just doesn’t stop flowing. (((Boy, that’s for sure. The woman’s a global publicity machine.))) And this time the buzz is about a doctor’s degree that has been conferred upon Shilpa Shetty by the Leeds University for her outstanding contribution to cultural diversity. ‘

Ohhh the luck of the Mangaloreans … all the phii, haitches and dees … the very best bits of the angrezi alphabet with none of the tiresome study or student loans, deadlines, dissertation writing, tutorials, teaching … just beaming Mango-flavored Maa-Baap in the Leeds Metropolitan audience.

Plus some funny hats and robes. Very Harry Potter … vhii haitch phii … Every new Volume of Shilpa Shetty meets an eager readership and a profitable filmic adaptation.

Still Dr. Shetty ain’t content with the sweet smell of simply one success.

You can smell her, you can see her and once she’s been seen, she’s a …

Shilpa Seen Sans Frontières … No Border can Hold this Doctor Back!

The Times of India reports:

Shetty’s fragrance, S2, has risen to the number 3 spot in the UK fragrance charts within a fortnight after it was launched in London.

Shilpa has beaten off stiff competition from the likes of other international stars such as Kylie Minogue, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton. Her inimitable S2 perfume has proved itself to be a cut above the rest amid the sea of other celebrity fragrances launched in the lucrative perfume market, sources said on Sunday.

Describing the popular fragrance that has been created by the oldest French perfumer, Robertet, Shilpa said: “The perfume is truly unique because of the whole edge we have with the ethnic aroma.

Sadly for the rest of us … ethnic aroma is not usually such a smashing success. The neighbors complain and the landlords worry about never getting it out of the upholstery.

That Shilps she could sell ice to eskimos, aroma to ethnics … good gods … I bet she could sell racism to the Brits.

A veritable Marvel of Mangalorean marketing modernity.

Props to La Shetée … she’s getting all Twelve Monkeys out for her Sterling British future.

AIM reports:

Ethnic agency Sterling Media has taken over from publicist Max Clifford in representing actress Shilpa Shetty in Britain.
Managing director Natasha Mudhar said: “We are delighted to have won the account, and look forward to propelling Shilpa across an international and mainstream platform. Shilpa has some very interesting projects lined up which we are sure will generate extensive talkability.”

… I think that was a Homi Bhabha paper I once heard …

Ethnic Agency: Generating Extensive Talkability from the Upanishads to the Booker Man Prize.

Well Ethnic Agency … Shilpa’s Soaking in IT … take a dip … I hear the water’s fine.

shilpa4.gif

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Government Demands Halt to Gandhi Biopic:No not that Gandhi

monica-sonia2.jpgIndian Government Demands Halt To Gandhi Biopic…. A proposed biopic of Sonia Gandhi, starring Monica Bellucci, has been put in jeopardy after the ruling Indian political party threatened legal action.Italian-born Gandhi famously refused to become Prime Minister of India when the Congress party, of which she is leader, was voted into office in 2004.

Now film-maker Jagmohan Mundhra hopes to chronicle her extraordinary life in a big budget movie due for completion in December (06).

However, her party has yesterday (20Jul06) served a legal notice to block Mundhra’s project, fearing it could be inaccurate and stating Gandhi herself has failed to endorse it.

Mundhra has yet to respond.

Gandhi is the widow of assassinated former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi. (via Female First)

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John Abraham: putting the Coolie back in Cool

alfalfaabraham.jpg

Calendar boy and habitual hair flopper Farhan ‘John’ Abraham has come out against the hegemony of cool in a High Hinglish interview with the Indo-Asian News Service (IANS).

‘Let me state once and for all, I’ve done nothing to consciously project a cool image. Whether it’s the motorbikes or brand endorsements, I do what comes naturally to me,’ John told IANS.

Sensing that the endorsements and motorbikes were undercutting his anti-cool talking point, he continued in a veritable mobius loop of unconvincing argumentation

‘I feel there’s an overt attempt to portray oneself as cool in our industry. But to try to be cool is very un-cool. If there’s a cool-quotient to your personality, it will show up without your trying,’ he added.

Critics of the clearly overwhelmingly cool Abraham have pointed out that he would be well advised to take up the banner of those who do not overtly attempt to portray themselves as clever. In fact since the controversial interview and launch of the much discussed John Abraham Beefcake Muttoncake calendar — enrollment at his alma maters Bombay Scottish and Jai Hind College have plummetted.

Prospective parents for both institutions when interviewd by the Grumpaji Samachar expressed similar concerns. Mrs. Parijaat D’esai of Rushimangl Building, Walkeshwar lead the pack in vocal expressions of concern, “In my youth I c0uld have willy nilly married Parsis and all sorts of Christian Malayalees if I was just going to produce cool children with good looks and maximun height and abdominals. Why should we who chose more conventional categories, such as astrological indicators and a desire to minimize parental cardiac episodes, now be punished?”

“Everyone is concerned that Bombay Scottish and even Jai Hind College have gone very downhill,” Continued Mrs. D’esai, ” When these filmi/calendar types can’t get through a simple Angrezi sentence without endlessly repeating cool … how will this get my Motilal-beta into Emory.Stanford.waghera? He can’t do similar shirt lifting antics to this Abraham character … we need quality education return … highest English medium standards!”

“If he wants so much cooling … let his mother feed him jeera water.” She added with what this reporter cannot only describe as a classic, near-moustachioed harumph – which is not to imply anything hirsute about Mrs. D’esai who was merely downy about the upper lip.

Asked to further clarify his comments on coolness — its ubiquity and unpopularity –after the public criticism — Jo-Abs was befuddled by the uproar which hindered him not at all from commenting at length.
‘Whether it’s my own brand of clothes or me serving as a brand ambassador for a mo-bike, I guess I’ve been forging my own style of self-projection. The calendar is an idea that, to my knowledge, hasn’t been done by any other actor. It’ll contain only my images. Does that seem slightly narcissistic? It is actually nothing more than a humble exercise in public relations. The calendar with my pictures shot by Subi Samuel will be sent to people whom I know and would like to reach out to at the beginning of the year. It’s a no-profit venture. When I was doing an endorsement for my clothesline, someone said, ‘cool is John Abraham’. It’s interesting. But they would look at the clothes and say, ‘this is very John Abraham’. I felt flattered. When you get branded with a certain image that defines your cool-quotient, I think it’s very cool.’

In order to unpack this further mass of contradictory Abrahamisms we contacted Professor of Media Studies Moonya Bhowmick at UC East LA who said ‘ Debates about “Abrahamic studies vs. Abrahamology” may be irresolvable because they are symptoms of a crisis of a different order: the academy’s still-colonialist relation to our civilization(s)’ folk-or-wisdom traditions, “hot shirtless guy” traditions in particular. Scholars of Abrahamic studies or Abrahamology practice a kind of “colonialism writ-small” when they remove their subject matter from its lived, societal contexts and re-situate it in conceptual worlds of their own devising. If endless debates follow, they concern these worlds we have constructed rather than the material reality of his attractive stubble contrasted with his gleamingly waxed torso”*

john abraham2

*Uffi-Nayar, Amita (2002) Depilating the Interim: Representation and Parsi Mallus from the Fin de Siècle to the Fire Temple. London: Tauris

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Diwali Mubarak (Shout out to My) Hos

ashdeeps2.jpg

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