John Abraham: putting the Coolie back in Cool

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Calendar boy and habitual hair flopper Farhan ‘John’ Abraham has come out against the hegemony of cool in a High Hinglish interview with the Indo-Asian News Service (IANS).

‘Let me state once and for all, I’ve done nothing to consciously project a cool image. Whether it’s the motorbikes or brand endorsements, I do what comes naturally to me,’ John told IANS.

Sensing that the endorsements and motorbikes were undercutting his anti-cool talking point, he continued in a veritable mobius loop of unconvincing argumentation

‘I feel there’s an overt attempt to portray oneself as cool in our industry. But to try to be cool is very un-cool. If there’s a cool-quotient to your personality, it will show up without your trying,’ he added.

Critics of the clearly overwhelmingly cool Abraham have pointed out that he would be well advised to take up the banner of those who do not overtly attempt to portray themselves as clever. In fact since the controversial interview and launch of the much discussed John Abraham Beefcake Muttoncake calendar — enrollment at his alma maters Bombay Scottish and Jai Hind College have plummetted.

Prospective parents for both institutions when interviewd by the Grumpaji Samachar expressed similar concerns. Mrs. Parijaat D’esai of Rushimangl Building, Walkeshwar lead the pack in vocal expressions of concern, “In my youth I c0uld have willy nilly married Parsis and all sorts of Christian Malayalees if I was just going to produce cool children with good looks and maximun height and abdominals. Why should we who chose more conventional categories, such as astrological indicators and a desire to minimize parental cardiac episodes, now be punished?”

“Everyone is concerned that Bombay Scottish and even Jai Hind College have gone very downhill,” Continued Mrs. D’esai, ” When these filmi/calendar types can’t get through a simple Angrezi sentence without endlessly repeating cool … how will this get my Motilal-beta into Emory.Stanford.waghera? He can’t do similar shirt lifting antics to this Abraham character … we need quality education return … highest English medium standards!”

“If he wants so much cooling … let his mother feed him jeera water.” She added with what this reporter cannot only describe as a classic, near-moustachioed harumph – which is not to imply anything hirsute about Mrs. D’esai who was merely downy about the upper lip.

Asked to further clarify his comments on coolness — its ubiquity and unpopularity –after the public criticism — Jo-Abs was befuddled by the uproar which hindered him not at all from commenting at length.
‘Whether it’s my own brand of clothes or me serving as a brand ambassador for a mo-bike, I guess I’ve been forging my own style of self-projection. The calendar is an idea that, to my knowledge, hasn’t been done by any other actor. It’ll contain only my images. Does that seem slightly narcissistic? It is actually nothing more than a humble exercise in public relations. The calendar with my pictures shot by Subi Samuel will be sent to people whom I know and would like to reach out to at the beginning of the year. It’s a no-profit venture. When I was doing an endorsement for my clothesline, someone said, ‘cool is John Abraham’. It’s interesting. But they would look at the clothes and say, ‘this is very John Abraham’. I felt flattered. When you get branded with a certain image that defines your cool-quotient, I think it’s very cool.’

In order to unpack this further mass of contradictory Abrahamisms we contacted Professor of Media Studies Moonya Bhowmick at UC East LA who said ‘ Debates about “Abrahamic studies vs. Abrahamology” may be irresolvable because they are symptoms of a crisis of a different order: the academy’s still-colonialist relation to our civilization(s)’ folk-or-wisdom traditions, “hot shirtless guy” traditions in particular. Scholars of Abrahamic studies or Abrahamology practice a kind of “colonialism writ-small” when they remove their subject matter from its lived, societal contexts and re-situate it in conceptual worlds of their own devising. If endless debates follow, they concern these worlds we have constructed rather than the material reality of his attractive stubble contrasted with his gleamingly waxed torso”*

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*Uffi-Nayar, Amita (2002) Depilating the Interim: Representation and Parsi Mallus from the Fin de Siècle to the Fire Temple. London: Tauris

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14 Comments

Filed under Bollywood, Cartoons, Celebrities

14 responses to “John Abraham: putting the Coolie back in Cool

  1. CM

    And yet, I think John Abraham is in dire need of a shave and shower. What is it with all these bollywood actors, they think unshaven faces and long greasy hair is cool, like they are too cool to clean up.

  2. Sallam to sweet John abraham hey he is really look cool with unshaved face his hair is very nice here in Afghanistan all the people love John Abraham so dear john keep this style we are with u and i am a big fun of u i love u soooooooooooo much.
    ( this comment is for John abraham)
    i am 16 yrs old boy from Afghanistan, kabul

  3. Camey

    I love u John

  4. harshad

    you are very hhott

  5. Hello Everyone,

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    A short while ago, a very good friend of mine told me about a great golfing equipment and accessories website that has discounted prices on all their products, same day shipping in most cases and there is no state sales tax, they are paying that.
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  6. hi john ur great guy take care always

  7. Adia Parween

    john there is no1 like u in this world. i love u thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much: infact lods more than that!
    u r the cooooolest dude best actor]
    love uuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

  8. John Abraham you are one of the world’s most beautiful men at #6 i personally don’t think any other dude is as good lookin as you even if they try 2 copy you they can’t be as beautful as u. ur extremely nice, chill, cool, and awsome, love ur style, even if u cut ur hair short ur still beautful.Take care of yourself alrite later

  9. oh yes and im really big fan of yours and especially im a big fan of your movie Karam , after watching that amazing movie and ur amzing actig i had to be your fan for sure and also at the boston rockstars concert i saw i even have a shirt signed by you. your simply amazing 1 of a kind person

  10. shayal

    hi

    well john so realy hott n there is no 1 better or hotter than him. i think he is the best cuse i have met him n had a chatt too. he is a kind n caring person.

    Shayal Singh

  11. shayal

    hi

    john is perfect the way he is…n if u think im wrong…i think ur jus plain jelous

    lol

  12. Bipasha Basu (2)

    OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I LOvvveeeee this GUuuuyyyyy I Lovee youuuuuuuuuuuu Johnjaaaaaaaaaaniiiiiii you are so Hooooottt an Cooool! ^^ Sryy but when I see JOhn than my heart goes Crazy like this boom boom boom boom ^^

  13. Adel Khayyat

    hi hi John .. Every one here in this page written for u ..
    Actually i wanna write somthing Special For U ..
    B’coz Really man u r ver cool nice and great and every this that any man need u know..
    style, talking, body, moving… etc.
    something like John is every thing for me.. i Put ur photos in every wall at my home ..
    Adel From Saudi Arabia ..
    Makkah ..
    i like u man too much ..

  14. remad24

    NOT kewl! john is cute, and is NOT a fucking nerd! jerks

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