Hakuna Macaca: Sing When You’re Winning

RICHMOND, Aug. 18 — Virginia Sen. George Allen (R) apologized Monday for calling a 20-year-old volunteer of Indian descent from his opponents campaign Macaca last Friday, but it turns out he may have apologized too soon. Used to be almost nobody in American knew what Macaca meant … now everybody has an opinion … and it means something new with each passing macaca-rich moment.

During the now controversial speech Senator Allen began by saying that he was “going to run this campaign on positive, constructive ideas” and then in a straight up Archie Bunker Torrets fit pointed at young S.R. Sidarth in the crowd and told the crowd.

“Let’s give a welcome to Macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.”

We asked Mr. Sidarth what he thought. ‘”Well, ” he told us ” First of all I was like .. “The Real World” cool … I thought maybe we was on MTV … maybe I was being Punk’d. I was looking for Ashton Kutcher. I was gonna be all like Dude Where’s My Macaca …”

Of Course as we all know now Ashton never showed up.
“I was momentarily bepuzzled by this madman’s Macaca call-out, ” S.R. told us “but I just figured it was Republican Cracker-ese for ‘Why do Colored People always Vote for Democrats.’ It basically just cracked me up … I was like Macaca this be-yotch. You can kiss my chocolate brown Macaca ass. ”

S.R. Sidarth is not alone.

In the hottest new craze to sweep the nation since mittens with Ipod pockets, Indian Americans are getting down with the Macaca. So far down they may never get back up.
“I love it!” says Javed Sayed — a hip, if slightly tattered, community worker in downtown Manhattan. ‘I’ve been singing Hakuna Macaca all day long — up and down the street — like a Lion King on crack … I see brothers headed down the steet to mosque Im all like ‘A Salaam A Macaca’ — and we fall out.”

Javu Macaca
And its not just a craze for the menfolk or downtown groovers. Harlem Resident Radhima Baladingdong says whats slang for a gander can be slang for a goose as well.
” If anyone steps to me, Im all like ‘Dont mess with Miss Macaca’ –and they know what I mean … if you know what I mean. ” And we certainly did — Ms. Baladingdong wore that Macaca attitude like a Harappan dancing girl in Mohenjo armlets — Uptown Baby Uptown indeed.
radhu Macaca
Students are getting in on the Macaca craze too. Curvaceous UC Berkley co-ed Moonya Bhowmick reports “We have already started our campus chapter of ‘The Original Asiatic Sisters Of Mucaca’ and we were not the first school to have one. Mira, Mr. Reporter man … The Today Show has already called trying to book an interview, but we are holding out for Oprah. I mean Today doesnt even have Katie Couric any more. Futhermore to the point … Macacas LOVE Oprah — and we know being on her show will be the ultimate validation of all things Macacalicious. Plus we are hoping for a spread in the magazine. Im getting waxed, depilated and threaded in anticipation — Of course I take a great picture, They almost put me in The Miss Liberian Calendar once. But now … you know I’m holding out for Miss Macaca 2007.!”Munu Macaca

And Even before it hits the airwaves and the pages of O Magazine… Macaca madness is already treading the boards and preparing its TONY speech. Acclaimed playwright, poet and actor Amita Uffi Nayar is premiering her new one woman show “The Diary of Macaca B. Toklas” tomorrow night at The Kitchen. Eleven characters travel the roads of assimilation to tell the story of American change in an ever-changing America. The Show is already sold out and Scheduled to open on Broadway in March 2007.

macaca toklas

We spoke briefly to the busy artist as she prepared for the final Dress Rehearsal

GOIM: Tell us a little bit about the origin of the play

AmitaUN: The Working Title was ‘For Macaca Girls Who Have Considered Voting When The Republicans are Enuff’ — because, as you know Macacas love, don’t like, but love, Ntozake Shange. However there were issues — we went in a different direction with the title — I ended up with this 1920s Left Bank bob — It’s all good.”

GOIM: And what is the significance of the hair for Macaca B. Toklas

AmitaUN: Of course questions of hairstyle are key to the originary myths of the Macaca. From the very beginning Senator Allen claimed that Macaca was a collapse of Mohawk for Sidarth’s hairstyle and kaka because he’s shit colored. S.R. Sidarth has insisted throughout he has a mullet. And his mother has insisted that he’s not so darkly complected … and its not so important for a boy anyway …and it’s from his father’s side — her people have always been wheatish.

So as you can see … we the Macaca … are a people born out of conflict. And occassionally questionable hairstyles. Sometimes its the cut … sometimes its the oil … we have issues with manageability.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Hakuna Macaca: Sing When You’re Winning

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  2. hari

    this is hilarious!

  3. Glad you liked it hari … Radhima Baladingdong has actually ordering a matchnig set of mugs for all the Macacas depicted above … so the madness continues

  4. Personally, I am not sure I wanna go out like that. or even go near the water again

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  7. I always sing when i win!

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  9. Great discussion. And I REALLY like that you practice what you preach. Thatís when you can tell a post has come together.
    And Iím also fascinated by how fresh you made the routine [admit it: what you just shared has been regurgitated millions of time. ;-)].
    Ben Johnson said people donít need taught as much as they need reminding.
    Good work.

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