Monica Belluci: Hamari Bahu

Monica Bellucci agrees to play Sonia Gandhi

Monica Belluci is Sonia Gandhi

Director Jagmohan Mundra is throwing away the ancient filmi tradition of casting either Helen type B actresses or stoned Hippie Chicks from Goa as western ladies in Bollywood productions. He’s gone right to the source of Western Culture and gotten Italian actress Monica Belluci (Malena, Brothers Grimm). Probably of a necessity as he’s doing a Soniaji flick … Preity Zinta and Aishwarya Rai were both being considered for the tale of a small town Italian girl who became the Nations Bahu — but wiser heads prevailed.

Thusly Jaggy M. continues his ongoing transformation from a producer of some very mischievous and nudist low brow “erotic thrillers” (catchy cable titles include Sexual Heat, L.A. Goddess & Tropical Heat) — to a director of prestige social dramas (Nandita Das in Bandawar — Aishwarya Rai in Provoked).

Now onwards and upwards to the ultimate legitimacy genre … the Maha-bio-pic … time to Shake Your Kapur and get your Elizabeth on … the Academy may beckon.

In an odd bit of intertextuality the reason given for this cognitively sensible bit of  casting was ‘facial resemblance’ … this same explanation mad Mallu director T.Rajeevnath gave for wanting to cast Paris Hilton as Mother Theresa.  We can discern from this that ‘facial resemblance’ is clearly contemporary Mallu code for the fact that this year’s Kerala Krush is some serious skunk-a-mundi. 

So glimmering on our cinematic horizon is La Bella Belluci as Hamari Bahu — We can only hope that the Dean Martin remixes on the soundtrack will include:

When the Moon hits your Eye

Like a big Cuppa Chai

That’s Amore

When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine

meri Pyari

That’s Amore !

Ghungroos ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling

And you’ll sing “Vita Bella”

Dholaks play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay

Like a gay tarantella

When the stars seem as bonny

As gosht biriyani

That’s amore !

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1 Comment

Filed under Bollywood, Cartoons, Celebrities, Hollywood

One response to “Monica Belluci: Hamari Bahu

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